We're like a lot better than the average bears
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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