the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
