So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
