I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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