Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
should my penis look like a turkey
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am available for nakedness
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
