No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
