I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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