I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize