Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
