I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
