After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
