I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
