How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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