I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
