At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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