At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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