He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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