I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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