Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
