Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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