Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
