my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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