She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
