I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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