i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
