What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
