No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
