Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
