so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
