How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
