I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
