you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
