i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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