Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
