I heard we made out
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
