dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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