If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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