So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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