I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
