it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
