We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have aggressive nipples.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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