I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
