the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
