omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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