Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
