My sheets look like a crime scene.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
