I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And then he peed in my hair
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