I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
