after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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