just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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