I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize