How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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