Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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