i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
