So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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