My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
