hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
