dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
