There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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