Did you just see the Batmobile???
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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