How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I will pee on everything he values.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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