what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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