I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize