T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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