The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
