So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
