Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
