Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
