I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
