Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
