Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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