Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
