And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
