Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
