so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
