I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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