There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
