It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
