I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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