I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
