Pants 0. Shit 1.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
