the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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