Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
