He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
