i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
